Helpless
by xKyokoNekox
Summary: If only I had managed to free myself from their grip in time… If only I was able to reach him sooner… If only I watched over him more carefully when I noticed he was becoming more quieter… If only I was there for him when he needed me the most…. I've never felt so helpless in my life… Rintori! Warning: Character death and gore


**Title:** Helpless  
**Series:** Free!  
**Rating:** M  
**Characters:** Rin Matsuoka, Aiichiro Nitori, Mikoshiba Seijuuro  
**Pairing:** Rintori

**Summary:** _If only I had managed to free myself from their grip in time... If only I was able to reach him sooner... If only I watched over him more carefully when I noticed he was becoming more quieter... If only I was there for him when he needed me the most... I've never felt so helpless in my life..._

* * *

_I couldn't believe what my crimson red eyes had just witnessed. Slowly, I stood up and walked over to his body, my legs shaking with each step. I placed a hand on his swollen cheek, and flinched at how cold he had gotten in such a short time. I collapsed to my knees in front of him. I scooped him up with the one arm that wasn't numb and I managed to turn him so I could look at his face. His cheeks were swollen a bright red, and both of his now closed eyes were dark with bags wrapped around them. I wondered if his eyes were still the bright shining blue they had always used to be, or if they remained the dull color I just saw minutes ago. My heart ached as I realized id never see those sparkling eyes ever again. I took note that his left eye was purple and swollen. There weren't scars just on his face, but all over his body as well. His clothes were ripped and tattered, drenched in a bloody red. There were many scars and bruises tainting his pale skin. I felt a warm liquid on my hand that held his head, and I carefully pulled away to see his blood soaked on my hand. I hadn't even noticed his hair had gone from a light gray to a dark red. I hadn't even realized hot tears were rushing down my cheeks. I held onto him tightly, wrapping my arms around him, smothering him. My body shook with each choked sob that escaped my dry lips. I looked to see his own lips had begun to turn a light blue._

If only I had managed to free myself from their grip in time... If only I was able to reach him sooner... If only I watched over him more carefully when I noticed he was becoming more quieter... If only I was there for him when he needed me the most... I've never felt so helpless in my life... 

* * *

Ai and I were in our dorm room relaxing for the night. Ai was sitting at his desk, trying to catch up on homework he was falling behind on due to practicing more for the upcoming relay. I looked over at his desk to see, once again, it was a complete mess.

I sighed, ruffling his gray locks, "I thought we already went over how to keep your desk organized."

"I-I'm sorry, Senpai!" Ai cried, "I-It's just I needed a bunch of notes and I-I had them all in different folders and it turned into another big mess!"

"It's fine, and I told you to call me Rin."

"Okay, Sen- R-Rin."

I smiled at him, but noticed there was a scar hidden underneath his bangs. I brushed them away to get a better look at the scar, but Ai flinched and immediately pulled back.

"Ai, what happened?"

"I-It's nothing, Senpai!"

"I told you to call me Rin, and a scar like that isn't just 'nothing.'"

"R-Rin, it's fine.."

Ai quickly fixed his gray bangs back into place, concealing the scar, and immediately went back to work. As much as I wanted to know where it came from, I knew Ai was stubborn and wouldn't give in. I walked away with a sigh and headed for the door, but was stopped when I felt two smaller hands gripping my shirt.

"I-I'm sorry, R-Rin! P-Please don't leave!"

"Ai, calm down, calm down," I resisted the urge to pull him into the tightest hug to comfort him. Instead, I placed both hands on his shoulders, "I'm not going to be gone for long, I'm just going to get something for dinner."

"Oh," Ai relaxed and let out a long breath of relief, "C-Can I..." He whispered the rest to where it was inaudible.

"What?"

"C-Can I come with you?"

I blinked, and then smiled softly. I placed a hand on his cheek and kissed him softly on his forehead right on his hidden scar, "Of course you can, Ai."

I watched as his face flushed a light pink from the kiss and the name, and I had to hold back a laugh. The two of us walked out of the room together, hand in hand. I knew there was something wrong, that's why he was so eager to tag along with me. He didn't want to be alone, left with just him and his thoughts. I didn't want to pressure him into telling me something he wasn't comfortable with, so I let it go for now. I thought maybe if I gave him time and space, he'd come to me himself when he was ready to talk about it.

_If only I'd known what was really going on, I would've made him spill everything right then and there to prevent any of this from happening._

* * *

A week had passed since that night, and Ai seemed to be back to his usual self. I didn't push him about the scar, and since it seemed to be nothing, I let it go. I thought that was the end of it. I never knew I could be more wrong.

Last night, Ai had returned to our room late, so late to where I had already fallen asleep while waiting for him. I woke up to find he had gone on ahead, but I knew he had at least been in the room since his bed had been a mess. I knew today was our big competition, so I hoped everything was alright with Ai and we could pull this off.

I stood back from the pool, watching as Ai stood in place to get ready to jump in. He moved his goggles over his eyes and bent his knees as he waited for the other swimmer to reach him. My eyes quickly scanned him over before he jumped in, and my eyes widened slightly as I realized there were small cuts and bruises decorating his pale skin. I was about to go over to him when I remembered where I was, and I watched as Ai jumped in.

Something was wrong.

His dive was delayed. After all of the practicing he's done recently he should be in perfect shape. I walked closer to the pool to see he wasn't swimming like he normally would. He was usually filled with excitement, eager to get in the water and swim to his heart's content. Now, it looked he was exhausted. There was something else too but I couldn't put my finger on it. Ai's pace was gradually decreasing until he was in last place. He continued to grow slower and slower until he stopped all together.

"NITORI!" Mikoshiba yelled worriedly.

Before anyone could react, I dived right into the pool. I heard a scream as I watched Ai sinking to the bottom of the pool. I kicked my feet as fast as I could and I held out my arms to scoop him up. I felt his arms wrap around my neck, and I quickly swam back to the surface. I held Ai in my arms as I walked to the end of the pool. Everyone surrounded us as I walked up the steps and out of the water. Ai hid himself in the crook of my neck. Mikoshiba was the first to say something.

"Nitori, are you alright?! What happened out there?!" He asked, worry in his voice.

"He's fine," I said quietly, "He's just exhausted from practicing so much. I'll take him to the nurse right away."

Mikoshiba nodded, and I walked past everyone, ignoring their questions and avoiding their worried looks. I felt Ai shaking in my arms, and I held him tighter, whispering soothing words softly into his ear. We made it to the nurse's office to find no one was there, so I just carefully placed the frightened Ai on the bed. He had a death grip on my hand.

"Ai, what happened out there?" I whispered, cursing to myself as I realized my voice was shaking.

"I...I-I didn't get enough sleep last night..."

"What time did you get home anyway? You knew today was the competition, where did you go so late at night?!"

"I-I-"

"And where did all those scars and bruises come from too? Did they come from the same place the scar on your forehead did too?"

"I-I can't tell you!" Ai quickly clapped both hands over his mouth as soon as the words spilled out, tears rushing down his cheeks.

My eyes widened slightly, but quickly softened. I looked down, my bangs covering my expression. I stood up and let go of Ai's hand. He didn't try to stop me as I began to walk away. He released a choked sob as I reached the door.

"I'm sorry," I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

I made it back to the pool, and I felt everyone's eyes on me as I walked over to Mikoshiba. Nobody dared to try and ask me how Ai was or what had happened to him. It was as if they knew I didn't want to talk about it.

"So, how is he?" Mikoshiba asked.

"He's alright, he just needs to rest. He was exhausted because he didn't get much sleep last night."

Mikoshiba placed a hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry too much about it, alright? Nitori is strong."

I nodded, wiping away a tear I didn't even feel roll down my cheek.

"I talked with the other captains and they decided they want to give us another shot. Ai obviously can't do it, so would you be able to take his place and then swim again later for your own relay?"

"Sure."

Mikoshiba smiled, "Thanks, I'm counting on you!" He gave me a thumbs up.

I faked a smile and headed over to where Ai had just stood to prepare for his race. I couldn't bring myself to show off a real smile. My mind was too occupied on what could be wrong with Ai, and why he couldn't tell me about where all those scars came from. I thought everything would be fine again, but now I knew something was very wrong with Ai. The whistle blew, and I jumped into the very lane Ai had just swam in.

_Of course, at the time, I didn't know how bad things really were._

* * *

Later that day, Ai and I were back in our dorm room. I was laying on my bed reading a magazine, while Ai was sitting at his desk working on homework. It was like that night where everything had started. I turned over to stare at Ai's back. He had begun to wear longer sleeves, and pants that went all the way down to his ankles, even though it was well into spring.

"Ai," He jumped as I called his name, "Come here for a sec."

Slowly, Ai got out of his chair and walked over to me. He was twiddling his thumbs.

"Wh-What is it, S-Senpai..?"

I gripped his wrist and pulled him into my bed. He cried out as I wrapped my arms around him, smothering him against me. His scent filled my nostrils, and I hugged him tighter. Ai didn't question it, he just hugged me in response. I felt his body begin to shake, and I felt my shoulder begin to dampen. I placed a hand to the back of his head, stroking his soft gray locks. I used my other hand to rub his back and draw circles every now and then.

"I just want to help you, Ai," I whispered into his ear, hugging him even tighter.

Ai pulled away from the hug, and I placed a hand on his soft cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch, another round of tears running down his face. I didn't want to pressure him into telling me something he wasn't ready to, so I brought him into another hug.

"No more... No more..." He whispered, choked sobs escaping his lips every now and then.

_If only I had pressured him to tell me what was wrong, maybe I could've helped him sooner. Even if he rejected my help and pushed me away, anything would be better than this._

* * *

Another week had gone by, and Ai's condition was getting worse and worse. He was getting quieter and quieter, he was too weak to even attend swimming practices. He's always trying to catch up on his homework, for he falls asleep in classes and falls behind. Whenever I ask him what's been going on, he shakes his head and tells me 'everything is fine, Senpai.' He had gone back to calling me Senpai, even though I always told him to call me Rin. I couldn't bring myself to correct him. I'm willing myself to be patient, to wait until he's ready to tell me what's wrong himself, but this is getting to be too much to handle. I knew I had to talk to him about this. Tonight.

Unfortunately, he hadn't come home yet. It's getting closer to midnight, and I'm beginning to worry. Where could he be this late at night?

I walked out of the room and over to Mikoshiba's, knocking not too loud but not too soft either. He answered with a yawn.

"What is it, Rin?" He asked tiredly.

"Do you know where Ai could possibly be?" I asked quickly.

"He's not here?" I shook my head, "Aren't you supposed to be keeping track of your boyfriend?"

"I know, I know, but have you seen him? Or did you hear anything of where he could be?"

"No, sorry," He was just about to close the door, but quickly said, "He's been acting really off as of recently, make sure you talk to him and find out what's going on. At this rate he'll end up getting kicked off the team."

"I know, I'll talk to him as soon as I can."

Mikoshiba shut the door, and I quickly ran down the hall to the exit. The rest of the school was still closed, so he had to be somewhere else. I checked every possible place I could think of. Super markets, stores, parks, I even went to the movie theaters to ask anyone if they saw anybody that looked like him. I was about to give up my search for him, assuming he was probably home at this point, when I heard a loud cry come from nearby. My blood ran cold as I searched for the source of the sound. I also heard others talking, which made it easier to find them.

"You stupid piece of shit!"

"You're lucky you didn't open your damn mouth!"

"If he found out about this we'd kill you!"

"Dumbass!"

With every insult there was a loud, muffled cry that followed. I followed their voices until I came upon a dark alley. My eyes widened at the sight that played out before me.

* * *

_"Hurry up, Matsuoka, before we get caught!"_

"Shut your trap, I'm hurrying!"

"You're not hurrying enough!"

"Hey, I think the security is coming!"

"MATSUOKA!"

I was about to punch him square in the face, but I knew I had to get this safe open without getting caught. Just a few clicks away..

"It's open!" I yelled, "Quick, gimme the bag."

"Way to go, Matsuoka!" Akihiro, who had just been screaming at me seconds ago, passed me a bag with a wide grin, "I knew you could do it!"

I rolled my eyes as I took the bag and began stuffing it with as much as I could. Akihiro and Satoru helped me out to get as much as possible before we got caught. Kenta had already begun smoking, seeing how he couldn't go a minute without a cigarette, and Naoki cleaned up any possible tracks we could've left behind. If it weren't for him, we would've been caught by the police by now. Jun kept looking down the halls to make sure no one was coming, but hid whenever there was a security and made sure to warn us.

"They're getting closer, we have to hurry!" Jun warned, running over to us.

"Think we got enough?" Naoki asked, wiping his hands clean.

I grinned, "We sure did," I tied the bag and gave it to Akihiro, "Hold this while I close the safe."

"Sure thing," Akihiro playfully punched me as I began turning the knob to the safe.

"It's closed, now let's get the fuck outta here!" I stood up and the six of us started running.

"Yaaayyyyy!" Satoru cheered.

"Good, because I'm running outta cigs." Kenta said, popping a fresh one between his lips.

"For Christ's sake, Ken." Naoki sighed, "Cut back once in a while, it almost seems like all the money we get ends up going to your 'cigs'."

"Please, with as much as we got tonight we'll be fine, another six packs of cigs can't hurt."

"Six packs?! Dude-"

"Enough of your bickering!" Jun snapped, "Wait till we get outside and then you can shout at each other all you want. I'm not going back to jail because you two pain in the asses won't stop arguing!"

I sighed. Jun's been in and out of jail for the stupidest reasons, so now whenever we did shit like this he always worries about getting caught and thrown into jail for the millionth time.

We finally made it to the back exit of the bank and outside into the crisp, cool night air. We ran past a few blocks just to be on the safe side, and collapsed in a dark alley.

"Mission accomplished!" I yelled, holding the bag into the air.

"Hey hey, how much did we make?!" Satoru asked.

"Not sure, ask Kenta. He's good with money, seeing how every penny he makes goes straight to a pack of his precious 'cigs'." Naoki said with a glare directed to Kenta.

"Not agaiinnnnn!" Jun groaned.

"Listen here, you little shit-"

"ENOUGH!" I yelled. I took a deep breath before passing the bag to Akihiro, "Count up how much we made."

"Id be happy to, Matsuoka." Akihiro grinned.

I let out a sigh, almost wishing I had a cigarette myself. I heard the sound of a stick break, like someone was trying to sneak away, and I quickly turned to the source of the sound. I had sharp hearing, so no one else heard. I glared into the darkness, and I stood up.

"What's up, Matsuoka?" Satoru asked.

"I think we have a visitor." I mumbled, "Come out, asshole!"

We waited a few seconds, all six of us staring in the same direction, to see if whoever was there would come out willingly. I took a step closer, and it sounded as if they took a step back. I ran over to them before they could even think about taking off, and I gripped them tightly by the collar and brought them out into the light, slamming them to the ground in front of the others.

"Here's our little visitor." I grinned, turning back around to see if I could find anything useful.

"P-Please, I promise I won't say anything!" He cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. I found it funny how he didn't even have to ask who we were, or what we were doing.

Everybody knew who we were. We were known as the deadly six. We ran around town, terrorizing the people that lived there, stealing money from banks and breaking into people's homes. The police have been trying to catch us for almost a year now, but never could. Naoki was an expert at covering up evidence, there was no way for them to track us down. Anybody that even got a quick look at us didn't live to tell about it, so they had no idea what we even looked like. They knew there were six of us though, so that's how we got the same deadly six.

"My my, aren't you a cutie~" Satoru licked his lips, trailing a finger up his chin.

"Even if you say you won't tell anybody," Naoki started.

"You can't be trusted," Kenta finished.

"You know far, far too much." Jun continued.

"And how do we know you won't run to the police once we let you go? Well," Akihiro chuckled, "If we were to let you go."

I appeared behind him with a heavy led pipe in both hands, a wicked grin plastered on my face, "Sa-yo-na-ra~"

* * *

"Well well, if it isn't Matsuoka!" Akihiro grinned, letting go of Ai. He dropped to the ground, not moving an inch, and the others surrounded him so he couldn't escape, "It's been far too long, wouldn't you agree? Its been, what, 3 years since you abandoned the group to go have fun and swim."

"Let Ai go, now." I seethed through gritted teeth.

"Who, him?" Akihiro pointed back at Ai, who laid on the ground surrounded in a dangerous amount of blood, "We were just simply messing with him."

"Let. Him. Go." I growled, my hands balling into a fist.

"But we're not done playing with him!" Satoru whined, delivering a kick to Ai's back, causing him to cry out in pain. "It seems he's been enjoying it, every time we told him to come back to this very spot, he would always listen."

"What have you been doing to him?!"

"What does it matter to you?" Kenta asked, puffing a gray cloud of smoke before reaching into his pocket to pull out another cigarette.

"Answer me, what have you been doing to him?!"

"Oh, just a little bit of this," Naoki gripped Ai's gray locks and pulled him up, scratching his delicate skin with a broken piece of glass. His scream brought tears to my eyes. "And a little bit of that," Naoki slammed Ai to the ground, causing him to whimper, "And a little bit of this and that!" He continued to kick Ai all over, causing him to let out a series of cries and whimpers.

"LET GO OF HIM, YOU BASTARDS!" I yelled from the top of my lungs, charging at Naoki. Akihiro gripped onto my arm as tight as ever, pulling me backwards. I choked down a scream as I felt my arm being pulled from it's socket. I cursed as I held onto my shoulder.

"You know, Matsuoka.." Akihiro walked in a circle around me, "If you stayed away from here," He walked closer until his lips were centimeters away from my ear, "You could have saved the poor boy's life."

My eyes widened as I heard Ai's bloodcurdling scream. I looked over to see Naoki had taken the piece of glass and begun to stab him numerous times all over his body. His arms, his hands, his feet, his legs, his body, his chest, everywhere. I tried running over to beat the shit out of him, but Akihiro grabbed my dislocated arm and twisted it behind my back. I bit down on a scream and collapsed to my knees. All I could do was watch as Naoki raised the piece of glass high above, and quickly bring it down to Ai's chest, right around where his heart is.

"WAIT, PLEASE DON'T!" I screamed, hanging my head low as hot tears flowed down my cheeks. To my surprise, Naoki had actually stopped. He looked over at me and grinned.

"This boy really means something to you, doesn't he?" Akihiro asked. I could only whisper a 'yes.' I didn't even have to see him to know he was grinning, "Well then, you do know what the term 'revenge' means, don't you?" My eyes widened.

"Aki," Naoki said, "He's already dying."

I quickly looked up to see the puddle of blood surrounding Ai had grown larger. He was losing way too much blood. His eyes looked so dull and lifeless, hot tears still rolling down his cheeks. His body had stopped moving, even though I knew he was still in excruciating pain.

"Fine, then we'll let Matsuoka over here just watch him die a slow, painful death. Sound good enough?" Akihiro suggested.

Naoki nodded, "Good enough for me."

The now deadly five gathered their things and began to walk away from the dying boy. Akihiro whispered, "Sa-yo-na-ra~" Before they disappeared from my sight.

I turned my attention back to the dying boy in front of me. His eyes were now closed, but I knew he was still alive. His chest was still rising and falling, but the distance between each breath was far too much to be normal breathing. His time was coming closer and closer to an end.

"S-Se...S-Senpa..ai...?" Ai whispered with as much energy as he could, "I...I-Is it...o-ove..r...?"

I nodded, "It's over, Ai..."

"S-Sen...pa..i...?"

"Wh-What is it..?"

"I-I...I-I'm so..sorry...f-for th..is..."

"Ai, shh, don't talk now."

"A-And...I-I...I..l-lo...love yo..u...R-R...Rin..."

Ai's eyes were still closed, but his chest had stopped rising.

_Ai was dead._

* * *

It had already begun to rain, and I was still sitting in the dark alley with Ai's corpse still smothered against me. Everything was hurting. My arm, my chest, my head, my stomach, but most of all, my heart was hurting the most. If only I had pressured him to tell me what was wrong, to tell me what was going on. If only I had known, maybe I could've done something to prevent it. Even if Ai got upset because I pressured him, even if Ai pushed himself away from me because if it, anything would have been better than this. Anything. Because even if Ai grew to hate me, at least he would still be alive.

I'm so sorry, Ai...

I love you so much...

So much..

_It hurts..._

* * *

_Author's Note:__Ahhh, it's my first Rintori fanfic woo! If only it wasn't such a sad fanfic hng /cries I felt so bad for killing Ai in this, he's absolutely adorable and I just want to hug him to death! I was so happy with all the Rintori shown in episode 1 of Eternal Summer eeepppp! But to be honest I actually planned on torturing him worse hng but I knew it was too extreme and I felt bad for him so I changed it so it was less gory~ Oh and I really wanted to make the scene with Rin reuniting with his old gang members more intense but I couldn't do it hng I'm sorry if it's really boring hnggg_

_I hope you guys like it anyway, please let me know what you think! ; u ;_

_- Kyoko_


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